Moments

Life is about having, in reality, no control over anything.
That idea that we do have control is just an illusion held together
only so long as nothing happens as to shatter the delicate fabric
of the comforting illusion we all create.

In the end I suppose we must all just simply live the best we can
for as long as we follow this path of existence
in this dimension of life;
this interlude in eternity.

And how beautiful, horrible, strange and fascinating it is.
It is the brief moments of brilliant light,
that taste of nirvana,
that makes this stop off point worthwhile.

The little moments.
So few and far between
the endless stretches of the vast desert of here.

Those smallest, most fragile of moments.
In truth, that's all there are.....

©2009~SophieD

something

I still believe in me

I am long past
That emptiness of cruel complacency foolish weakness love
My failing is an acceptance of the sound
of forgiveness
destroyed

I so desired
that there could be an understanding to understanding
me

my truth is a burial ground of hardened, scarred hearts

I wanted
an embrace of reason
Solitary silent acts of penance
in exchange for the comfort
of the barely living

My weakness is my understanding
that quiet loss of everything long past


I wanted to believe in everything and less
I found myself surrounded by nothing and more

Haunted by the illusionary echoes of my perceived transgressions

Knowing there could be an end
to the end of me
I wanted to be the only thing destroyed
I wanted

Something that made sense


©2009~SophieD

breakaway life of alone

We are lost in this place that we are.

I never used to laugh or smile he said
That changed when I met you
I guess you broke me...

Love as reality, hours long.
I navigate the night
Your words at that time moved me

When nothing stood between heaven and earth.
That dimension of senses you knew so well.
Where we were the only one.

So many hearts you have consumed
I guess you insist upon yours


stop and remember

Golden rays shadow across my door to the second hand's return
I reckoned how i missed yours
Slowly the minutes ticked past

Black rays shooting from golden face
Not a replica but an original of what you are
There you paint that place where love was altered
where when I met you broke me...

But as the hour eyes gentle and forgiving
Gaze misty into what you were


Why don't you laugh or smile? he said
Love in your own time has a different meaning
I guess this night reminds me

how i loved to hold the sunburst close
while looking to the hour when we met ....

stop and flow
Golden rays shooting from shadowed face
Not an original but a reflection of what we were

A distraction of time, fallen hearts in the path
Interrupting this breakaway life of alone

©2009~SophieD

petite idiocies

If you are right about everything then I am the stupid one.
Less than a nothing.
Because I try to understand and believe
even though any rational person would say
that the watermark of the end was passed long ago.
What is beyond is but a fool without a lifesaver
floating motionless in a black stagnant pool
waiting for a sign of life
where there can be none

No light, no sound
where the mind thinks there should be
just thoughts that perhaps cross over
that fine line of physical reality
to the cerebral reconstruction of perception
filling in the blank slate with something
for there must always be
at least that is what our minds desire
it is not necessarily what is

For we are trapped in this flesh...aren't we
this is the prison, our penance
And we cling to it, worship it
hold on to the decay even as our soul has the chance
to slip away. escape. be free
but we would rather be trapped in our cage
I found this out the hard way

That our minds are limited so long as we remain
trapped in the confines of flesh and bone
Limited by what we see and feel
as it relates to our mortal existence
We are out of touch
I thought someone loved me (didn't you?)
but, if I had listened to my soul.
I would have known this was not true.
I heard, but my mortality chose to ignore it all

People cannot feel until they break free
past the boundaries of the skin.
Look, and you will see.
People who pretend at something
to get what they think they need, want
But it is hollow, just like them,

You smile? You laugh? You mouth pretty words
heartfelt promises; a curse or a blessing
What does it mean?
What do you mean?
You cannot tell me because you don't know.
Stupified by convenience.
How lucky it is that life is full of those.
veils of petite idiocies

©2009~SophieD

fever

To be anywhere but here Anywhere
but here. beyond
it is the want to run. Disappear.
Destroy myself. Some days everything is nothingness perverse
I need a fan to cool what is happening around me
The bloodsuckers. they are falling apart
I look for a vision.
think
I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. That's all.
if the path was made up of the flesh amd bone
i WOULD NOT NEED SHOES
wanting to exceed the bounds of human thought
understand what happened but everything of matter is gone
there is no grass dewy with a strange bounce beneath my feet
just the bottom feeders.
Everything is never enough. I feel hate
I can't find the keys
It is impossible to create solutions simply by decree
I can't.
prayer. what else is there. hate. Crush them from my sight?
I think I am drowning
I feel myself fueling the breeze
I think of asphalt as some sick legacy
My higher nature flows through Reality.
The center has collapsed metaphysically or not
at them I'm angry and disgusted, Repulsed.
anywhere but here not there
beyond the imaginations the ultimate state of freedom
out from the noise.Don't think back
Maybe I want to. I don't want to.
concrete unforgiving to skin which flinches against the sun. fired.
seems suspended. My body, crumbling under the weight
looking behind everywhere
the trees stood thick, shading of modern surface and I can't find my way sinking beneath the kind of gravity that human oppression feels pressed down
hard to stop what is
care
There are branches dying everywhere
I can't fix understanding
we can only glimpse at our self




©2009~SophieD

The Flu

Erik Satie - Away - Monkmus

nihilo

The rules prohibit me from saying what I want
So i will be what i will
exhibited most prominently in the divine
i dare you in
to doing something about it

Even though my will has been blackened, bound.
My spirit Cast out to some tradewind chosen by my executioners
never openly identified


i reverberate with i know
gilded with pheromones of feral spirit
my eyes an aural kaleidoscope that pierces the ears

the queue having been determined
i depart the massacre

musing upon rain
waiting for red pools brighter than the last
Mute: all i know stops you
Why pursue ghosts of what could never be

lamenting you in lyrics~ version 3
foreboding
spread out into shadows
fears of what i want echoed by what you get
sighs held back by blue in my heart

something new and strange
foretells the woman who casts no shadows:

My heart keeps you
and me all i do is dwell on think of you
troubled by what i remember
nothing
rushes out into disturbed horror
speaking to the carnage

welcome to your world opinion
there is no defeat to be found in something i haven't memorized

turned upward from stars
troubled my life it all falls to me
it frightens one insane running
a brainless mad seditious thug
like....(?)

Here enclosed is a form of vengeance
words reach for the projection of my own error of thought

i stay in a weird thinkquest waiting for an intro
away from any disclaimer that might appear
so drag a cigarette
to breathe
to stand
to look
to watch
to see you getting punched in the chest

We pace about the long river flowing to the edge of sky
followed by some type of world that runs softly

in reaching out to the pyre
a study of the human impulse to self nihilation
a vision endless green waiting for blank screen
that glows into safeness



©2009~SophieD